When I am in Charge, English will no longer be stupid.

Ow.
Now.
Snow.

Since when does adding an additional consonant at the BEGINNING of a word change the vowel sound?

At.
Cat.
Scat.

See?  It doesn't.  It shouldn't ever.  The only thing that changes a vowel are other vowels.  Ever.  When I am in Charge, this will be the case.

**BREAKING NEWS**

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the

European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always

ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is

disgrasful and it should go away.

By the fourth yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united Urop vil finali kum tru.

/**BREAKING NEWS**

Also, I will clean up the use of the apostrophe.  No longer will the apostrophe be used as a possessive before the S.  "Michael's angry rant" will become "Michaels' angry rant".

"What's that you have there?" will remain the same as it is a contraction and will be the only approved use of an apostrophe within a word.  Fo'c'sle is a good example of the approved use of apostrophes for contraction.

Possessive plurals will be the same.  Right now, when referring to a dish belonging to a dog, you would say, "That is the dog's dish."  If you had multiple dogs you would say, "That is the dogs' dish."  When I am in charge, both with be "That is the dogs' dish."  There will be no distinction in pronunciation either because, really, it either belongs to a dog or it does not.  We don't make distinctions betwixt how many dogs eat out of it.

Apostrophe in a word means a contraction.  Apostrophe outside of a word means possessive.  Easy.

Before anyone starts in with me, an apostrophe is not a single quote.  The former is ', the latter is '.  If you can't tell the difference, you need to get a better monitor.

Speaking of quotes:  When quoting something, the ending punctuation will be INSIDE of the ending quote.  "She said, "We really shouldn't be doing this!""...wait, that looks stupid.  When quoting inside of a quote, you must change from double quote to single quotes.  "She said, 'We really shouldn't be doing this!'" is proper.  It will not be, "She said, 'We really shouldn't be doing this'!"  Deal with it.

When I am in Charge, English will make sense.

(Full Disclosure:  The Breaking News section is not mine, it is pulled from sources around the web)